I talk a lot about keeping my expectations low. I do my best to do that, because it always hurts when others don’t meet those expectations. It often works to keep expectations low. However, having zero expectations is impossible. When you make plans with someone, it is with the expectation that they will show up for those plans. And yes, sometimes emergencies happen. That comes with being human. But barring any emergencies, you expect that person to show up and involve themselves with the plans you made together. I keep my expectations low by expecting them to be late, by expecting them to leave early, and by knowing there is a decent chance that they won’t follow through at all.

I have to be honest. This is a shitty way to live. And it comes from past trauma and from not having my basic expectations met. I know that I can’t count on anyone. I know that the likelihood is that the person will not follow through. Sometimes, that means not making the phone call they said they would, or sending the email, and sometimes it means not showing up, or cancelling at the last minute.

Trust me when I say I understand not having the mental capability to do something. I am an introvert that needs quiet time alone to recharge. For me, that means that sometimes, when I have a particularly busy day where I have to interact with lots of people, I run out of juice. So, if I have plans later in the evening, they are difficult to follow through with. However, most of the time, I power through them. That way, I’m not letting down the person I made plans with. When I power through like that, it knocks me down for a couple of days. I need a day or two, or in sever cases, three days to “recover” from bigger days like that. My brain will remain foggy, I’ll have a difficult time communicating, and being around people is almost impossible. However, I am a mom, and a wife, and a household manager. I don’t get a break. I am expected to get up in the morning and get everyone ready for the day, and to school. I’m expected to run any errands that need run. I am expected to show up at the dance studio and help other parents and kids through the drop off and pick up procedures.

All of that to say this – I understand if the day has just been too much and you can’t make it. What I don’t understand is a lack of communication. I really only need a few sentences. Instead of not showing up, or cancelling at the last minute with no prior communication, try sending a quick text during the day. Something as simple as :”hey, today is a lot and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to make tonight work”. That lets me manage my expectations, and gives me the opportunity to respond in kind.

I feel like communication is lacking in many areas of the world these days. I don’t just mean in politics or bigger arenas. I took the kids to the dentist last week. We got there early, because I’m always early, and because it was a new location, and I wasn’t sure how long it would take to find in the new shopping center. I don’t count the time we get there early as part of our waiting time. However, we waited 30 minutes past our appointment time. There was no communication about why they we hadn’t been seen yet, an apology for the wait time, or an explanation of how long it would be until we would be seen. My youngest started to get overwhelmed by the amount of noise happening. They had a movie playing and the music going. There was a younger child who was running all over the place, banging on things and dragging a chair across the floor. It was a lot for most neurotypical people. We also had things scheduled for later in the day, that we might end up being late to because of this delay. I decided to reschedule their appointments, because it was increasingly clear that we wouldn’t be seen any time soon. I talked to the receptionist and rescheduled for next month. I left angry, frustrated, and upset. I had scheduled this appointment so the kids wouldn’t miss school. With the new appointment, they would have to miss school. After we got home, I got a call from the office manager, wondering why I had rescheduled. I explained to her my reasoning, including that if someone had given us even the barest of communication about what was going on, and maybe an idea of a time frame, we probably would’ve stayed.

I’ve had quite a few of these instances this year. Where a simple two minute call, or one sentence text, could have saved some serious upset/anger/frustration. So the next time things are changing, or taking longer that expected, take a minute to communicate that to those who might need to know. Communication is key in life, in relationships, in business. Communication makes the world go round.

If you have someone hanging expectations on you, then respect those expectations. Don’t let them down. If they are stronger than me, they will remove you from their lives if you are constantly not meeting those expectations.

Thank you for coming to my mind dump of the day.