I titled this post in October, but apparently wrote nothing.

I pulled up the post to see why I hadn’t published it. I guess being empty is probably the answer to that question.

The title does seem to fit very nicely into how I’m feeling these days. Every day is an exercise in frustration. Kids who don’t do chores. Husbands who get angry when you finally give an answer to the question. A throwback to childhood trauma, both from the temper tantrum thrown by a grown man and by the constant, unpaid, and underappreciated work expected of me.

That doesn’t even touch the bullshit going on in the country and the world. The government-sanctioned killing of citizens, and humans in general. The fact that these killings are a distraction so that we stop asking about the files. That people are MURDERING people to hide pedophiles. That we are watching history repeat and, as a society, are doing nothing to stop it. Yes, I know many of us are doing everything we can, but many are also doing nothing, or worse, agreeing with this bullshit.

I need a steady income. I need to be set to take care of myself. As it is now, I can’t get a job. Not during the day. And, I’m going all day long, so overnight work is questionable, since there won’t be sleeping hours. I know I’m making excuses. I know. But I don’t know what else to do. I do the affiliate thing, but if no one buys anything, then I don’t make money. I made a whopping 54 cents last month, and it can’t even be paid out because it’s under $10. DoorDash means having gas money, which is about all I make most of the time.

I know. I’m bitching and moaning. I apologize.

Go out! Do something for yourself. Be the reason someone smiles today. And if you can’t right now, that is okay too. Remember that even little tiny steps are steps, and I’m proud of you!